Day 180: What is the most inspiring book you have read?
The Abs Diet by David Zinczenko. This is for you @majd3st1ny haha. It has really changed the way I’ve eaten and my skin hasn’t been acting up as bad as it was before hand. I don’t have to use any extreme facial creams of such sorts. I used to use a variety of skin creams, but now all I do is wash my face at night with a face scrub.
My body has also been feeling healthier and more fit ever since I’ve changed my eating habits. More energy through out the day and I barely feel hungry when I’m about to go to sleep.
Day 51: Who among your acquaintances encourages you most, cautions you most, discourages you most, or helps you most in other ways?
Encouraging Friends: My friends Alyssa and Aleq help me in various ways when I’m on my shift. If they see me struggling just a little bit at my cubicle, they take notice and push me harder. I make really great production when these two are around me.
Cautioning&Discouraging Friends: I can’t really name any, but a majority of my friends were discouraging in my network marketing venture. Doesn’t mean I won’t stop and keep continuing. I’m still gathering and applying knowledge.
Day 50: How much time out of every 24 hours do you devote to your occupation, sleep, play and relaxation, acquiring useful knowledge, or plain waste?
I only devote to my occupation when I’m on the job, but about 20 minutes or so off the job. Within acquiring knowledge, I’d say I spend about 2-3 hours reading and writing down my information. Play and relaxation takes up majority of the day. Plain waste is usually spent spacing out.
I wanted to make this post for those that really don’t know about my past relationships, just because I’m going to see him tomorrow. Ever since I could remember, I didn’t really have any attraction towards the opposite or same sex, but I was always checking guys out and I thought that was natural. Me, just thinking it was a phase, thought that I just haven’t found the right girl yet. I was in denial and hadn’t realized it until I thought about the girls I used to date. I’ve never had my first kiss with any of them and still haven’t…. surprisingly. It didn’t feel right and I’ve always wondered why none of the relationships I was in never worked out.
I remember back in my senior year of high school, I was having a lunch break at subway with one of my good friends, Yasmin, who I conversed with the entire time. At one point during the conversation, she decided to ask me, “Hey Stephen. I’ve been wondering, but are you gay?” I’d never take offense to a comment like that, so I told her, “No, I’m not gay”. She had this amazingly surprised look, and I asked her,
“Well, most straight guys I ask would take offense at that comment and act out wildly”
“Haha, I guess I’m not like most guys then”
“Hmm, but you said that so calmly Stephen!”
Now, she’s lesbian herself, so don’t judge her. But ever since that conversation we had, I’ve always wondered about my sexuality, but I still stayed on the notion that I just didn’t find the right girl yet. Graduation came and went that year, so we all went our separate ways. It was in the middle of August ‘09, that I found tumblr and decided to make an account. I followed a guy named Jan, since I was searching for tags in CADC. A few weeks into tumblr, I finally started having casual conversations with him. It was weird, but I started forming some feelings for him. I thought to myself, “Maybe I am gay and just haven’t accepted it yet”. And to no surprise, I realized I was gay just by forming that bond with him. It was a strong one and I liked that bond. I already explained in that last post about my Best Friend, so I won’t go into detail haha.
The whole point of this post is to tell you guys that I’ve never had my first kiss or done it yet. I’m a complete noob… being the 20 year old I am. I’m going to see him tomorrow and I’m already feeling nervous for what may happen. The most I want to do is just lay in bed with him, with his head tucked between my arms. That’s all I want right now, and I’ll be able to take it slow with him for the next week or two. I’m excited for the most part, because he’s my first boyfriend.
So, I was looking through a log of posts before I deleted my last tumblr, and I found how single track minded I sounded. Earlier this morning, @belleoftheboulevard- reblogged a post concerning the revenge on someone who couldn’t make her happy, by inviting the person to their wedding. If you follow her blog and see the post, that’s how I used to be back then. I used to keep a very closed mind, but thought I was open about what I had to say. The thing I’m trying to say, is that, I never realized how much I changed until I looked at my archive of postings. I think I might post several later on to show you guys what I mean.
We’ve known each other for a while now. And it was because of tumblr that I started talking to you again. I actually forgot how I found your site haha. I also want to know why you decided to stick around. And don’t tell me it’s because I’m a chill guy or, I’m not the least judgmental. I know how blunt you are, so give me a direct answer because I’m prepared for anything. I’m wondering if it’s because I questioned my sexuality and I came to you to talk about it. And we definitely had a pretty detailed convo about it too. I remember when I told you that I was pansexual, but that was a complete lie when I told you about the small fantasies in my head, which lasted for a while that day we talked. As I’m thinking about this, I know people stick around to keep the relationship alive, but I know there’s more to it then that. I’m going to ask you the same question. What is it about me that made you want to stick around?
We’ve had this conversation time and time again, so I realize why now haha.
It’s going to start at 11 today. It’s going to be my first one, but I’m not going to dress colorful, because that’s not who I am. I’m just going to dress casual and if any guys hit on me, I’m going to punch someone. I mind as well wear a shirt stating that I have someone already. Besides that, I wonder what this experience will be like. Hopefully it’ll be a good one.
Too bad I didn’t get to go to Seattle’s Gay Parade this year.
Day 47: Could it be possible that some person you consider to be a friend is, in reality, your worst enemy because of their negative influence on your mind?
Unfortunately, I already know who that is and I refrain from talking about them, since they don’t know who they are. They are a condemning, ridiculing type of individual who talks mad shit. For that reason, I keep my business to myself.
Day 46: What connection, if any, do you see between the people with whom you associate most closely, and any happiness you may experience?
The people that I associate with are always positive and persistent and this is within where I work. And I’m particularly happy about that since we can constantly communicate and think up work strategies.
A straight forward person. I don’t care how blunt you are, because that’s what sort of attracts me to people. One of my friends is like that and we’ve been friends for 7 years now. If you can argue with me, I might see a little more in you then you do in yourself. It makes relationships more interesting in a way.
I like guys who can act straight. Deep voice and just acts really masculine, but sometimes I can surprise myself by who I get interested into. Right now, I’m talking to this guy who doesn’t really quite have those features, but I still like them anyways.
I like guys who can act straight… Can’t believe I thought like that last year from today. But in the least, I didn’t really care who I dated, as long as they were genuinely trying to transcend beyond certain conventional perspectives.