I wanted to make this post for those that really don’t know about my past relationships, just because I’m going to see him tomorrow. Ever since I could remember, I didn’t really have any attraction towards the opposite or same sex, but I was always checking guys out and I thought that was natural. Me, just thinking it was a phase, thought that I just haven’t found the right girl yet. I was in denial and hadn’t realized it until I thought about the girls I used to date. I’ve never had my first kiss with any of them and still haven’t…. surprisingly. It didn’t feel right and I’ve always wondered why none of the relationships I was in never worked out.
I remember back in my senior year of high school, I was having a lunch break at subway with one of my good friends, Yasmin, who I conversed with the entire time. At one point during the conversation, she decided to ask me, “Hey Stephen. I’ve been wondering, but are you gay?” I’d never take offense to a comment like that, so I told her, “No, I’m not gay”. She had this amazingly surprised look, and I asked her,
“Well, most straight guys I ask would take offense at that comment and act out wildly”
“Haha, I guess I’m not like most guys then”
“Hmm, but you said that so calmly Stephen!”
Now, she’s lesbian herself, so don’t judge her. But ever since that conversation we had, I’ve always wondered about my sexuality, but I still stayed on the notion that I just didn’t find the right girl yet. Graduation came and went that year, so we all went our separate ways. It was in the middle of August ‘09, that I found tumblr and decided to make an account. I followed a guy named Jan, since I was searching for tags in CADC. A few weeks into tumblr, I finally started having casual conversations with him. It was weird, but I started forming some feelings for him. I thought to myself, “Maybe I am gay and just haven’t accepted it yet”. And to no surprise, I realized I was gay just by forming that bond with him. It was a strong one and I liked that bond. I already explained in that last post about my Best Friend, so I won’t go into detail haha.
The whole point of this post is to tell you guys that I’ve never had my first kiss or done it yet. I’m a complete noob… being the 20 year old I am. I’m going to see him tomorrow and I’m already feeling nervous for what may happen. The most I want to do is just lay in bed with him, with his head tucked between my arms. That’s all I want right now, and I’ll be able to take it slow with him for the next week or two. I’m excited for the most part, because he’s my first boyfriend.
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- flashingheights said: keep it chill bro. relaxed.
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- majd3st1ny said: Awww… How sweet!
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- chingyy said: aw this is cute haha, .. I can’t find how to find out who my tumblr crushes are.. how the heck did you do that!
- jcmasado said: Awww :]
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